If you’ve ever read The Adventure of the Dancing Men, or if you’ve ever seen a primitive cave drawing (and I know you have since an image of some cave art is located right above this paragraph), then you will know that stick figures have been around for a very long time. Some of the first things we draw as a small child, doodling in the empty pages of our mother’s little black book which she gave us to keep us occupied while waiting at the doctor’s office, waiting for the car to be repaired at the shop, waiting for that old guy in the starched white-collar and black suit coat to hurry up and finish his speech so we can go out and play—some of the first things we draw are stick figures. Read the rest of this page »
As many of you are probably aware, the World Cup has started. Either you’re a soccer fan and you already knew that (because soccer), or you’re living anywhere but the barren wastelands of the Sahara or Siberia deserts. If you weren’t in the middle of the Sahara or frozen in Siberia like some sort of hermit (not the crab), you’ve probably heard words like “Brazil” and “football” and “World Cup” and “soccer” everywhere you’ve physically gone, or maybe you’ve seen them written all over the Internet for several days running. So, really, I think what I’m trying to say is that if you haven’t heard of this year’s World Cup, you’re either a deaf-blind or a time-traveler from
prehistoric pre-Internet days.
But you’re none of those things, because 1) if you’re reading this then you’re on the Internet and not blind, and 2) if you’re hearing it read to you, then you’re not deaf. Which means you, my reader and listener, have heard of the World Cup. (Also, I just told you about the World Cup, so there’s that.)
Why am I telling you about the World Cup, you ask? (Okay, maybe you’re not asking that. Maybe you figured I’m telling you because the World Cup started two days ago and most everybody’s talking about it. Well, yes, that’s true, but
why do you have to be so technical all the time? I’m just using the phrase as a rhetorical device. It’s a rhetorical question within a rhetorical question, sort of like Inception except way more boring and way easier to understand. Besides, you weren’t actually supposed to answer or tell me that you weren’t asking the question I put in your mouth for rhetorical reasons, and frankly, I should be allowed to put whatever I want in your mouth maybe you should just “pretend” that you asked me why I was telling you about the World Cup. Sheesh. It’s as if you’ve never heard of imagination, or never had a childhood.)
Anyway, the reason I’m telling you about the World Cup is because it’s so darn incapacitating. Which is how I discovered I was still alive. How are discovering life and incapacitation related, you ask? (Oh, gee. Not this again. Didn’t I already tell you this was like the rhetorical version of invading another person’s dreams? What more explanation can I give you? Just pretend you understand, and maybe you’ll
fool your friends start to pick up on things.) To answer that question, for the past two days I have literally done nothing except watch people kick a ball up and down a field of grass and sometimes into a net. Two full days of watching soccer, and that… is… it.
And it has totally incapacitated my ability and will to write. Because soccer.
For those of you who follow The Playground, you know that I either died or that I took a temporary hiatus from posting new articles
in order to procrastinate elsewhere in order to focus all of my energies on writing my book. I can attest to the fact that I have not focused all of my energies on writing said book, which, via logic, leaves only the “died” option. Ergo, for a while I was dead.
But that all changed
when the Fire Nation attacked when the World Cup started.
My pure excitement over watching the World Cup has sapped the time which I usually spend trying to find the time to spend writing my book. Thus, I am not getting any writing done because
I’m squandereing I’m better employing the time I usually use to find more time to write. So I figured since the World Cup is preventing me from doing what I said I’d be doing while I was away from The Playground, I might as well make a short appearance and write a few posts for my readers.
And, since I’ve made my appearance now, it’s clear that I’m not dead after all.
Which is quite a relief, in my opinion.
As a result I now owe my life to the game of soccer, and I should probably watch more of it to show my gratitude.
It’s the only honorable thing to do.
P.S. Go USA! Beat Ghana!
UPDATE: USA went, and beat Ghana, 2-1. Revenge is a sweet, sweet dish.