Every Childlike Author needs a Playground.

Archive for April, 2014

The Childlike Author Feels… Lustful

Lustful [luhst-fuh l]
– having strong sexual desires; lecherous; libidinous.

This is something that most normal people feel, but that many avoid admitting. Probably because they think if they do admit it, it will somehow make them seem shallow, or less credible, or less respectable, or in general just a bad person.

I, however, am here to tell you that if you’ve experienced lust, that doesn’t make you a bad person. Because that’s biology talkin’, trying to tell to you that your species will die out if you don’t procreate.

First off, your species will not die out if you don’t procreate because plenty of other people are doing a whole lot of procreation, so much so that there are approximately four births per second.

Compared to less than two deaths per second, our little human race is gaining a net 213,120 individuals every day, and a total of 371,520 newborns.

That’s a lot.

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But consider this: The women giving birth each second cannot give birth for another nine months because of the unavoidable gestational period. This means that for nine month intervals, every newborn that pops out is a child of a unique mother! That’s a total of 100,310,400 unique mothers in only three quarters of a year.*

And for every mother, you gotta have a father.

So double it to 200,620,800.**

That’s a lot of people who’ve experienced lust. And not only did they experience it, but they acted on it.

Except it doesn’t even begin to add up to the real figure.

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The Childlike Author Feels… Contempt

Contempt [kuh n-tempt]
– the feeling with which a person regards anything considered mean, vile, or worthless; disdain; scorn.

Have you ever seen one of those legal thrillers in which the judge threatens to hold a character in contempt of court? I’ve always wondered why they use the term “contempt,” and so I’ve got two theories. Keep in mind that I’m no lawyer, and certainly no etymologist.

My first theory is based in the supposition that the justice of the peace is an honorable person. That’s why he or she is referred to as “Your Honor,” as in, “Yes, Your Honor, I did commit the murder with the bloody axe in evidence. I still plead innocent.” It turns out that a secondary definition of contempt is “the state of being despised; dishonor; disgrace.” (My personal favorite definition is “disapproval tinged with disgust.” Also, why the heck do I even have a favorite definition?) Anyway, it stands to reason that if someone present in court were to dishonor the judge, who is clearly honorable as his or her nickname suggests, then that someone doing the dishonoring would be contemptible, deserving of or held in contempt. Hence the court holds them in contempt.

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The Childlike Author Feels… Ashamed

Ashamed [uhsheymd] – feeling shame; distressed or embarrassed by feelings of guilt, foolishness, or disgrace.

Feeling ashamed for something we’ve done is an emotion we’ve all experienced unless we’re sociopaths. If you are a sociopath, I’d like to recommend a career in espionage—you’d be great at it.

I, however, am not a sociopath. But I digress (and besides, most sociopaths would claim the same thing—that they are not sociopaths).

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During those experiences when I’ve felt ashamed, they were primarily a result of other people. No, I’m not blaming other people, I’m merely saying it’s difficult to feel foolish, or disgraced, or guilty when you are alone.

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